Foofoo

Ho, hum, twiddly thumbs.

The light switch in the shower should probably have been a clue, shouldn't it?

Let's just say there are a few teething problems with the new flat.

That I can cope with, the noise - not so much.

First night I was woken in the wee hours by a guard standing on my veranda, plugging his phone into a socket there. When I opened the door, he didn't even bother to look at me, he just carried on, mumbling (in perfect English) 'I don't speak English.'

Oh, really? That's okay, I can make myself perfectly understood in any language.

After throwing him Jazzy Jeff style off my porch, I became aware that the house has no soundproofing what so ever. One bedroom is beside reception, the other by the big gate that sounds like a freight train every time it's opened. I went to bed at 9pm last night, and it wasn't quiet enough to sleep until gone 1am. I was then woken at 4:55 by someone holding a loud telephone conversation above my window. Then, at 7:45, the cleaner walked past with her radio on.

It appears that I have moved from one place of sleep deprivation to another, shinier, one.

Had a word with the landlady's daughter today. She's going to see what she can do about the noise levels, but I think she'll have a hard time. Asking people to keep it down doesn't really help much when the walls are made of paper.

I have a couple of friends looking into places, and one of them pointed out that I have a grace period on my contract. If I can find somewhere else, I'll probably hand in a month's notice and move again. It's not like I need a telly, and I already have internet on my computer. I'd trade it all in for a night's sleep and a mosquito net. It just doesn't feel right without one.

So far I've tried hypnotherapy, white noise, fan, and, my personal favourite, ambient rain.

I managed to get a little extra sleep this morning using white noise. I'm surprised by its effect. The idea being that it's the unpredictability of sound which causes light sleepers like myself to wake up. That sudden bang, or that loud voice. By having a predictable sound constantly in your ear, it cancels out the suddenness: drowning out small sounds and filling in the gaps between louder ones, meaning they are no longer isolated sound events, but spikes in a constant. The problem is, I can't sleep with sound at all - even ambient rain. I have to be really, really tired to drift off with it playing, but once asleep it does seem to stop me from waking up again.

I'll see how it goes over the next couple of days. The guys who work here are really nice, but I think my neighbour has wandering eye syndrome. His handshake comes with a full body scan.

To cheer myself up, I took a break from work to cook a proper lunch.

Welcome to Cooking with Salad Fingers

Take Half a Pound of White Powder...

No, seriously, there isn't really much of a science to it. You can make ugali with either maize flower or cassava. I use cassava, as maize ugali has a really overpowering smell, whereas cassava doesn't smell at all.

Bring a Pan of Water to the Boil

Add the Flour

I think you're supposed to add slowly and stir well, to prevent lumps. More practise needed.

You then need to pummel it really hard as it takes on the consistency of that fake snot you used to buy as a kid. A wooden rolling pin works well.

It Sticks to Anything

You add a drop of extra water, cover, and leave to burn to the bottom of the pan for about ten minutes. There's a helpful YouTube tutorial. Bear in mind that this stuff is incredibly filling. You only want to make small amounts at a time.

Ten minutes is just long enough to make the dipping sauce. You can use anything savoury. Good for mopping up leftover Indian take-out, baked beans, stew. I opt for traditional beans - with a twist.

• Half a tin of red kidney beans
• Half a mini can of concentrated tomato paste
• 2-3 cloves of garlic
• Dash of ginger, black pepper, turmeric and salt
• Thicken with peanut powder

Cook until heated through.

Peanut powder is my new favourite ingredient. Jo pointed it out the other day. It thickens sauces really well, and it's a wonderful source of protein. I use whole peanuts in stir-fries, but would never have thought to buy them powdered.

Once everything's hot, serve.

Ugali is eaten with your hands. This is a highly decorous photograph. Mostly you just scoop on in there, beans and all. This is the first time I've made it in years, and it's a little too moist, which makes it stick to your fingers, but I really love the stuff. It hasn't really got a taste (that's what the sauce is for), but it's cheap, filling, and fun to eat.

Meanwhile, Salad Fingers got stuck into this bottle of joy. Guzzle, slurp, burp.

It's where I pour my coffee granules so
they don't go down the plughole.