2020 Begins

Photo by Jaap Hoekzema
Fireworks Over Kigali Convention Centre

Well, 2020 is here.

It was a really rough start to the year. S dropped off some stuff on his way to the airport New Year's Eve. There was a moment when I thought he was right on the verge of staying, but he didn't. I did all the dumb-assed things, like leaving the gate unlocked in case he changed his mind. But a couple of hours after take-off, I had to accept it. I climbed into bed around 9:30, grateful to close my eyes. A friend had asked if I wanted to join her at a posh hotel, but I just wanted to curl up. The fireworks woke me at midnight and someone posted some amazing pictures the next day on a community forum.

Woke up New Year's Day. It was awful. Never had a New Year like it, and never intend to again. Problem is, there's a huge pressure to leave one year behind and start afresh on New Year's Day, but it isn't that easy. I still feel like I've carried part of last year over with me. Can't seem to shake the sadness.

I'm doing better now that work's started again. It's really full-on catching up with everything over the break. January is a time for serious amounts of donor reporting, so I've been stuck to the screen. I also went to visit a health centre in Rwamagana. They'd been doing dance therapy with genocide survivors and had a room full of pilates balls. It was like an adult ball pool - I just wanted to dive right in. 

Talking of health centres, things are still stumbling along with me. Swapped amoxi for cipro, then cipro for a combination of doxy and norflox. I've had one infection or another since the malaria. Although the malaria's definitely gone, my immune system just doesn't seem to be kicking things like it used to.

Every now and then I go back to the clinic to pee in a cup and get my blood sucked. They send me home with a fresh set of pills. This round left me feeling pretty woozy, which kind of added to the 'fuck new year' vibe.

Breakfast

Gentle as Ever

As well as throwing myself into work, I've also drawn a huge amount of inspiration from my cousins, Billy and Sali.

Sali's just released a new track, Draculeic Chancers, and every video she does blows me away. Check out Howl at the Moon and Cwch Bach Coch.

And Billy has just danced Romeo for the Royal Ballet. Website here and you can catch it on BBC iPlayer for the next few weeks.

Red Bull Interview

I am really lucky in that so many of my family are so talented and artistic. We all create in completely different ways, but it pulls me forward to see what they're doing. Writing helps bring me balance, but when you're hurting it's hard to find your feet sometimes. When that happens you need to fill yourself with other people's art in order to regain your spark. 

I have been doing a bit of editing and have started working out the story for another novel, with the help of my mum, as the timeline is a nightmare and my maths ain't so good. There's a nice place at Kigali Heights that does good ice-cream so I treat myself if I get some writing done.

Lot of Corrections to Make

Another Kigali stalwart is leaving soon. He helped found the first Rwandan rock night and runs a well-known bar in town. He's a musician, so donated a microphone to me. Was going to attempt an audiobook at some point, but might be a way off. In the meantime, he loaded me up with beer and helped lift my spirits. It was my first night out of 2020 and I needed it. Just a shame he's going. 

We were having a laugh about what you take and what you leave when you pack to go somewhere compared with what you pack when you leave somewhere. You try to stuff everything into your suitcase when you're going somewhere, then try to give everything away when you leave. For some reason, everyone gives me their kettle when they go. I now have four. 

Still, I haven't got rid of everything S left me. He put it all in this amazing cardboard box, and my cats adore it. It's their favourite thing in the world right now. If only it could feed them, they'd probably rehome me.