Jog On

2013 looks set to be a year of crazy dares.

On Friday, I attempted something I haven't done in years.

I went rulking. That's where you pretend you're going for a run, but actually end up walking 90% of it because you're that damn unfit.

When I was a kid, I was so active. Horse riding, swimming, badminton, gymnastics and trampolining. 

Then I went to upper school.

Hockey, tennis, football... I f*cking hated the lot. And nothing, absolutely nothing, was worse than the dreaded cross-country.

It's a word that strikes fear into the hearts of most British kids. They point you in the direction of a field, and tell you to run. Sort of like a fox, from hounds. Inevitably there's a steep hill or twelve, sometimes you have to jump across ice-cold streams, or do battle with wasps and other angry insects.

I don't think I ever fully recovered. Oh, and the shame of unbranded sports shoes... My mum shopped at Tescos, back in the day when it was second only to Happy Shopper. There's a cultural reference only people of a certain age will understand.

So, out of sheer curiosity, I bought myself a pair of running shoes for Christmas. I wanted to know whether running truly was as ghastly an experience as I remembered it, or whether there's truth to that Telegraph article: Girls put off exercise for life by PE lessons.

Kitty and I drove right out into the Forest of Dean, to a remote location where nobody could laugh at me falling flat on my face (or find my body if I happened to be murdered...), laced up my shoes, turned up my music and... well, ran.

The things I have learned:

• I can't co-ordinate my feet, my breathing, and trying to put my earphone back in, all at the same time.
• It's good to know how far you're running. The Adidas running trail is 3.4 miles. Shame I took a wrong turn and ended up on the cycle track...
• No matter how remote your location, you will always find one annoying child who whizzes past you on their BMX, just to prove they can.
• If you need it, probably best to take an inhaler before you start running. Pretending to be invincible doesn't actually make you invincible, and pushing through the first twenty minutes without air only makes an insufferable situation worse.
• No matter how much you need to catch your breath and walk, you will always speed up when you see someone coming. It's a pride thing.
• Where a running track states 'Easy,' there is an oxymoronic Forestry Commission employee with a penchant for practical jokes.

In short, I was right.

Running sucks.

Although, I will admit, I did enjoy being outside. It was a sparkling, sunny and not-too-cold winter's day. Though, I do find following paths a bit dull. Not as dull as a treadmill, granted. But I did have to take a little break to scramble up a hill halfway through. That's the thing about woodland, there's always a mysterious path beckoning. Bound to be a gingerbread house down one of them.

I'd like to say there will be a reasonably priced pair of quality second-hand running shoes on eBay tomorrow, but my good friend Kirstin has suggested attempting to climb a rather big African hill. I wouldn't stand a hope in hell's chance as things stand. So, unfortunately, it looks as though the shoes are here to stay. At least for a little longer.